"They devoted themselves to Kip's teaching and to the overburdensome numbers of meetings, to the breaking sessions of people and to manipulative prayer. Everyone was filled with guilt, and many meetings and church gatherings were "suggested" (more like required) by Kip. All the believers in Portland were regularly together and had an ESFJ personality in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to the SMC (oops, I mean, this is no longer required ... ahem ... the regular weekly tithe of 10% of the gross). Every day they continued to meet together in hotels and house churches. They broke people in their homes and met together with guilty and coerced hearts, praising Kip and not enjoying the favor of most people. And Kip tried to add to their number (by fudging the books) regularly those who were being saved."
Acts 2:42-47

As with the church in Jerusalem in Rev. 2, we are a congregation that has "...forsaken your first love." (We love power now, although it used to be about the power of love.) Alhtough we believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins and was physically resurrected from the grave on the third day, as many others do, we don't believe they are Christian. We believe the NIV Bible is the inspired, inerrant Word of God, which means our interpretation is infallible. Disagree with us, and you are not a Christian. We believe that a true Kippian, a follower of Kip, is a baptized (water-immersed) disKIPle (who must understand that water baptism causes the forgiveness of sins -- otherwise it is not a valid baptism) that "loves the ICC with all his heart, soul, mind and strength." (Matthew 22:37) We believe that the mission of our church is "recruitment." (Yes, nevermind that Jesus taught a whole lot of other things about justice, feeding the hungry, visiting those in prisons, being a good steward of talents, and so on.) (Luke 19:10) We believe that true religion is "to remember the rich (we recruit only 'sharp' people)" (Galatians 2:10) and "to look after members in the church (making sure they NEVER leave, and if they do, they feel bad about it, as if they are leaving God)." (James 1:27) We believe Kip desires his church to be an emotionally-exciting pep rally that daily guilt-trips each other to live a self-righteous, legalistic and ICC-meeting-filled life.

The Portland International Church of Kip shares in a worldwide fellowship of disKIPles in over 150 countries around the world. Our congregation began with 40 members in 1991. Rob and Pam Skinner, who were trained in the San Francisco International Church of Russ-Ewell (then Preston Shepherd), initially led the congregation. Needs were such in the Seattle Church that the Greens took the Skinners away after seven brief months, but labored tediously for Kip and the ICC. The next several years the Portland Church saw steady growth of ex-members and members until the membership was around 300 and the attendance was around 400 (and we won't tell you what the ex-member growth was like). Then in April 2003, our congregation began to experience an inspirational letter from Henry Kriete, which opened many members' eyes to the reality of our corruption and systemic problems. During the spring months of 2003 many members left the congregation.

In mid-July Kip and Elena McKean accepted the invitation by the leadership to become the Lead Evangelist and Women's Ministry Leader for the Portland Church, because we were afraid of collapsing. It was like history repeating itself. Did someone say "Lexington"? The focus of the fall months was on becoming a congregation of solely "mindless, don't-ask, don't-tell" disKIPles. Small group Bible Studies, composed of five to twelve members were organized throughout the Portland metropolitan area. Every member was encouraged (highly, of course -- encouragement with a verbal flogging) to choose a "disKIPleship partner." disKIPleship partners meet once a week to pray and discuss how they can guilt-trip each other through the challenges of life. Okay, some are more gentle than that. It was hoped that this relationship would mature the people involuntarily. Essentially, the autumn was spent rebuilding the "foundations of Kip" in the congregation. (1 Corinthians 3:10-11)

In January 2004, Kip sent out from Portland a small group of disKIPles to plant a new congregation in Eugene, Oregon: the Eugene International Church of Kip! In February, we selected new Deacons and for the first time have "Elders-in-training-to-be-more-like-Kip." In March, God initiated a Spanish-speaking ministry, when the Gonzalez family moved to Portland. (Presently, about 50 people attend Spanish services!) In April, the married disKIPles participated in a mind-controlling retreat at Cannon Beach, where many of us renewed our dedication for the meetings of the ICC and our spouses. In May through the leadership of the Prestons and Craig Fabian, we began a "CR" (Chemical browbeating Rehabilitation) Ministry to brainwash people with alcohol and drug addictions. In June, we hosted our first annual World Mindcontrol Jubilee*! 500 disKIPles attended from around the world to learn from Kip and to hear how Kip brainwashed the minds of the Portland Church so quickly! In July, we hosted the "Northern Lights Soccer Tournament" where teams of KIPians from congregations in Seattle, San Francisco, Boise, Vancouver (Canada), Missoula and of course Portland played a two day soccer tournament. (San Francisco beat Seattle in the championship game which was held Sunday afternoon after another thought-stopping mind-numbing outdoor church service!)

Not only has Kip focused on our Married and Children's Ministries, but the Women's, lonely vulnerable singles', naive innocent students', impressionable teenagers' and Middle School Ministries have all begun to be berated through the preaching of Kip! In eight months, Kip had increased our numbers through recruitment, getting once free ex-members to come back with empty promises and move-ins (who were searching for preaching that would cause them no longer to doubt, because they would no longer think for themselves) from 120 brainwashed to 209! Our Sunday services are nearing 350 in potential recruitments and membership!!

Every member has had their life changed through the manipulation of Kip McKean's "First Principles" studies. We believe we should not leave it to chance that you are stopping by with us today. (Acts 17:26-28) We are strategizing behind your back that today's service will guilt-trip your heart and you will either begin to seek to know Kip or join us in striving to reach your quota of evangelism, tithing, and baptisms. Again, thank you for sharing in our fellowship and we hope that you will be able to "break people" (getting them to be in line with our ways) in one of our members' homes after service!

In the service of Kip, The Portland International Church of Kip

*The name was changed from "International disKIPleship Jubilee" to "World Mindcontrol Jubilee."

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